My name is Marlana, and I am a woman that is constantly trying to grow, love, change for the better, and be the best mother and wife I can be to my soldier and my beauties. I have a crazy/beautiful life that includes living in germany and traveling the world, a love of baking and reading, an amazing family and a ton of amazing people to share my life with. The army throws us a lot of lemons, and I spend my days just trying to make lemonade... some days I succeed, some days I don't; but its always worth it.
today is one of those days when I have been focusing on my shortcomings as a woman. I seriously feel like I have done nothing but say what I want to do… but I never do it. I want to get back into school, I want to get back into shape, I want to do this I want to do that. The thing is, I can’t remember when I actually did anything that I wanted to do besides little things. I just had a whole year that I could have made a lot of positive changes in myself for the good of me and my family, but instead, I just struggled to maintain because I was focusing on how the deployment had my life torn down the middle. I’d like to think that I was positive and did a great job of supporting my husband, and I know that I did those things, but I could have done so much more, and my soul and conscience are like, in a battle with my heart right now because of it. I neglected my friends and family because I was so caught up in what my little family was going through that I forgot that other people have things that they are dealing with and need support for as well. My growth as a person was incredible in some areas and regressed in others. I think that most of all I am disappointed because I feel like for the last few years I have been comfortable just being the wife and mommy. I have sank into those roles, and I know that my kids and my husband are well taken care of so that reflects well on me and the kind of woman that I am. I guess some people would say that I should be proud of that, and although I am, I feel like I am lazy, because I know that I am capable of being so much more for them. I want my daughters to see me as some one that they can look up to for advice and for a role model, not just someone that they can count on to wash their clothes and cook their food. I want my husband to know that he can count on me to do more than just “hold down the house”. With all these things in mind I have made up my mind that instead of saying I want to do something, I am going to say, I WILL do this. I am going to stop sitting around knowing that I am capable of doing things and being content in that, and actually become a doer. I will get in shape, I will get back into school, I will be a better friend, I will be the type of woman I want my girls to become.